Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

This past week I got a new laptop, and it hit me I have a chance to organize it in a way that makes sense. I know the window for change is limited before I go the way of the past, and it got me thinking that while I love learning some things, there are others I am just content to ignore from the knowing the features of my car to perhaps knowing how to use Microsoft Word better as my law practice grows.

One of the pleasures in technology is having the latest and greatest but that value gets losts when I fail at the effort to actually learn what makes it that. My failure to learn gets me a better thing that does not work as advertised simply because I am too lazy or reluctant to learn. That gets to change. There are so many areas I get to learn about, from installing the sound bar that stares at me each time I enter my house to being unable to explain to my wife how to use the car without a key card to feeling there is more to Microsoft Word than just typing into it.

I get that information overload is a thing as well, but not knowing the things I use regularly a bit better does me no good either. And so with the new month comes the goal of learning but not just of a personal nature but of the things in my life. I know if I can make that as part of my morning routine, I am setting myself up to win. It is in these small things that larger change comes from, and so I embark on this goal. Wish me luck.

What will you be learning this month?

This past week, I got a chance to work on something new in my law practice, and it revealed that my love for learning something new but fear of putting it into practice still reigned supreme. Gratitude flooded me because as usual my best friend was there to give guidance, but this time he also did something different. He gave little to no revisions after going into detail on what needed to happen for the upcoming hearing. He gave me enough rope to pull myself up, but I could have also hung myself if I hadn’t put in the time to learn what needed to happen.

Did I make some mistakes? Yes, of course, but not something so big that my client didn’t get what they needed, and so I took the win into the weekend, where finally I got to spend time with an old friend where it just feels like we are take up where we left off. No gaps, no awkwardness, no lacking of conversation, just good times that made the night go way too fast.

I realize I need more nights like those rather than the ones where I feel left out, not part of the night, and it hits me that it’s on me. I either participate or I don’t go. It’s a hard lesson when compared to the nights that are effortless. I realize that I wish to control all my interactions the way i want them to be, and that’s guaranteed to make me feel left out. All roads lead back me, to my growth. It is not another persons job to entertain me. It’s a two way street just like the hearing earlier in the week. I got the results that I wanted because I got guidance and also because I put in the work.

That’s what growing up is about: rather than wishing for how life needs to be, it’s about putting in the effort. But it’s also acceptance. Sometimes, you are part of something that brings someone else joy, and if they are your loved one then that’s all that matters. It’s what allows you to grow closer to them, sharing time with them doing the things that they like to do even when you don’t because they do the same.

And so I keep learning to grow, to focus on letting go on how it should be and soak in on what it is.

This past weekend I got the privilege to spend extended time with my 6 month old nephew and 3 year old niece. My wife and I got to play slumber party for the entire weekend. While my wife and mother in law did the hard job of feeding, changing, and putting them to bed, I got to hang out, play, hold, cuddle and just be a big little kid with them. My job was way easier because well I am not very mature to begin with (I own it), but more that, my heart overflowed with love and gratitude to my brother and sister in law for allowing this precious time with them.

The kids may not remember when older, but for us, it was a true joy to be the first ones to hug and hold them first thing in the morning. There is a special type of happiness that comes with seeing their eyes light up along with a bright smile just to lift ones spirit. It’s addictive, and one that I even crave at this moment. It’s also work, but one that doesn’t feel like it till they are in bed, and it hits you that their parents have been doing this without complaint for a while. A new appreciation grew for them. While I managed some decent sleep, the wife didn’t fare as well, but seeing her joyful face it was apparent there wasn’t any regret there.

Its time like these that remind me that too often the time spent in regret or judgment is wasted time. That there is so much good in life with others who accept you unconditionally, see the best in you, and want you around. That kind of love can fill you to the brim which is exactly how this monday feels. Not a burden, but a day to be celebrated. And so I enter this week with gratitude, love and and non judgment. Wish me luck! 🙂

I pride myself on my passion for doing different things, for representing others who need my support, for trying to do right thing, but one of my worst traits is the constant stream of judgment in my head. It works to push me for my own goals, but where it doesn’t serve me is when I point it at people and let loose. This past week that happened and not only did I damage a good business relationship, it was based on my own misunderstanding of the facts and growing resentment at things out of my control.

Looking out for others is a positive attribute, but when it curdles into want them or actions to be the exactly how I wish them to, it diminishes me as a person. It subtracts my contribution, and what should have been a momentary lapse from turned into a prolonged outburst which supported no one, least of all, me.

It hit me that I still have a ways to go, and the realization only came to as i listened to the Joe Rogan’s podcast episode with Sadhguru who stated that it is our reaction to things, and people that brings either joy or pain. It is not their words, but how we let them in. His words hit me dead on, more so, because the words weren’t even that bad, but I took it to another level that dimmed my standing with some people.

I get to work on that, and while i managed to apologize after twenty-four hours, I know there is a lot more work to be done. Even at fifty, acting like a two year old is not a good look. It can be great when amongst friends and being silly, but when wielded as a weapon, it just cuts me short and makes not a pleasant person to be around. I need to be better. I will be better.

To those hurt by me, I sincerely apologize, and I hope at some point, my actions make up for my thoughtless behavior.

This past weekend I had the chance to celebrate a dear friend, and as always we shared a good many laughs, some deep conservation, and the usual comfort of feeling heard with each other. There isn’t a time I have not had a blast when we are together. It got me thinking. What is it about shared experiences, vulnerability, and a sense of accomplishment that allows some people to share more deeply, to care in a way for them that is instantaneous while it takes a while to create intimacy with some others?

Nik has been in my life for over 20 years, and with year passing, our friendship has matured, gotten deeper like a fine wine that gets better and better with each passing year. I thought I’d made all my close friends when I graduated UCLA, but I was dead wrong. A casual meeting at a family gathering led us to having some of my best trips to date, and each time I can’t wait for us to get together and do something else. He not only pushes me, but has allowed me to learn things, share stories, and generally feel accepted. He has that unique ability to make feel surrounded with love and attention.

Celebrating this milestone made it all the sweeter as we are now both in the 50s club, and yet we don’t feel any older, instead we are hungrier, more curious, wanting to partake in more things, and that’s what I find we have most in common: a passion and a willingness to experience all that life has to offer. Its fitting that we now live even closer than before which makes me excited to look forward to the coming years.

Yet another reason Nik and I get along is his willingness to be blunt, to not let me get away with being judgmental (a trait of mine), to question some of my beliefs, forcing me to really think things through. He is not an easy person to deceive or come to with shallow thoughts. And that’s what makes our friendship even dearer. I can’t wait to keep celebrating him. Happy 50th Nik!! I know this year is going to be the best one yet!

This past weekend led to several unplanned late nights spending time with dear friends and family. I cannot help share the blessings from these night outs when plenty of thoughts, laughter and joy are shared amongst loved ones. I know it is easy to bemoan the terrible things or upsets that we face, but I am determined to memorialize the good times because those are the memories that that help me move forward.

Too often, we allow the dips in our lives be the navigators when the truth is that the ascents are where the real action is. Life can overwhelm you with down moments, or things not going as planned, but that’s okay because you get other times to make it right like this past weekend. Connecting with others allowed me to know that just like the bad times, good times are always nearby if I am open to the possibility.

And in that, there lies a challenge because there are times I don’t want to get out of bed, to sleep a bit more, to wallow, to feel the hurt of the day rather than appreciate what I have. There are days it takes a conscious effort to snap out of it, to not hide behind the blanket, to just feel the emotions. And that can be fine if it helps in the healing. Where it gets complicated is when that’s all that I want to do, or when I just notice the things not going right, that’s when it can turn into an issue.

And so this past weekend became a reminder of the possibilities for connection and for that i am grateful. I hope there are more weekends of that rather than me just focusing on the things that disconnect.