Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

I used to think that being in service just meant volunteering or helping out strangers, yet more and more I see that it really means opening your heart and listening with empathy to others. When I do that, I see so many opportunities to be in service to others. It can be as simple as having meals with my mom regularly which allows us to catch up or take my lunch time to play with my niece who only knows true joy and lights up my day.

More and more I see that being in service is about me and what it does to me, how it makes me feel and that it is not being about nobel or good just available and open to spending times with others. That’s not to say it cannot be volunteering or doing community service, but its not just about that. Its about who I am as a person that I am willing to use the one limited resource I have for others which is time.

I used to spend so much of my time doing things that did not bring me joy, things that I thought would advance me, make a better person, more money, more skills, better with others, make me smarter when really I had all those resources in others the entire time. Spending time with mom taught me about business, family, loving over. Being with my wife taught me about the value of making a good deal, and empathy for loved ones.

Grabbing a bite with my sisters the value of loyalty and growth. The list goes on and on and it just comes from being in service. It took me almost 50 years to learn this lesson, I hope I can spend the next 50 implementing it.

Happy Monday!

This weekend turned out to be a time with family, and it hit me yet again how blessed I am to have the family that I do. While Saturday was a supposed to be a quick afternoon birthday party, it turned into a all day affair. Same for Sunday. Whereas we were supposed to go to Temecula for wine tasting but instead stayed in and did our own. I am constantly reminded me that one of the reasons I managed well in the Pandemic was due to the largeness of my bubble.

While the weekend whirled away in a blur, I am left with so much gratitude to be able to spend so much time with loved ones. I am continually amazed at how many of us enjoy spending time together with not much drama but lots of sharing, laughters and of course lots and lots of food and drink.

More and more, it is these times I will remember as I also know that we deal with very real possibility that all of us are here for a time, and while we can’t take anything for us, I treasure that we will have things and events to discuss and remember. It’s easy to be sad and miss the ones that are not here, but its also easy to celebrate the ones who are here.

This is not to diminish that pain, but I do believe it’s important to acknowledge our blessings. I know I tend to lean to remember the ones not here and while I miss them dearly, I want to be sure to let the ones here now how much they mean to be me, too. I am truly grateful and blessed.

Happy Monday!

What can I say about a person who supports me unconditionally in all of my hare brained schemes from going to a 2 year law school to becoming a party promoter to having my own music store and then back to being a lawyer for the family business and finally to a thriving private practice. Throughout my journey, allI I ever received was acceptance, motivation and the realization that no matter what I was not a failure in her eyes.

It’s hard to to put to words about a person so deeply ingrained in our lives. As much as I want to express how much she means to our family, words fail me. She is home. A place to put all my fears, insecurities, ideas, and actions, and know that she will accept us. Yet that still doesnt give you an idea as to what an amazing soul she is.

Yes all moms are special, but for us she has been more than that, from business partner to mentor to teaching me how to make food when I was going away from the first time to watching her interact with her granddaughter, it truly makes me grateful for being so lucky.

Lately, she has suffered a lot of loss, but her strength in handling that is an inspiration. It shows me the path of how to keep moving forward, to keep the faith, to keep doing the right thing, to be there for others, and to show strength by action not words.

So with these humbles words,all I can say is thank you mom. I love you. Happy Mothers Day.

With a new month come the opportunity to see how I did last month. Some things were the same, some better and some worse. I realize now that some habits I aimed for worked much better on the weekdays than the weekends (like drinking or learning), and others I needed to make more of an effort on others(being vulnerable, writing one words). I managed perfect attendance on meditation and reading, and its fair to say that they have become permanent habits, but I cheated a bit as I am a bathroom reader, and so I can hit that habit all day long. So I get to be more specific. It has to be more than the New Yorker when I am crapping, reading has to be the books that I have checked out or the Scientific American magazine which forces me to learn new ideas.

Yet there are habits that I did a lot better in (25 pushups and practicing Spanish) where I came close to perfection (missing only a day the previous month). But then I need to also improve my stretching and exercise goals since I am only got in 16 and 18 days respectively which tells me that I am skimping on the self care. When I don’t take care of my body, it affects me in other ways. Low energy, eating like crap. and giving into carelessness and not being present.

It takes work to keep harder habits, and I also know that it is a reminder of the gaps in my life. Whenever I am doing a habit only half the time, I know I am either not paying attention or I am avoiding it. Take Not drinking on weekdays for example. In theory it sounds simple enough but when I get calls for boys nights out or Taco Tuesday or friends come over, it becomes a lot harder. And then the harder question is friday a weekday (pf course it is) but its also part of the start of the weekend and so I continually struggle with that.

Its the whole point of this exercise, to see the gaps and to get better (hopefully). I hope to see better numbers in May. Happy Monday!

One of the hardest things about getting older is the loss of loved ones. A Few days ago, the last of my dads best friend passed away from Covid. I went through the same emotions, numbness, disbelief, and the sinking feeling that my loved ones are getting older and that I can no longer pretend to not think about that reality.

It hurts. Hurts so deeply and the old me just wants to bury the pain, to not think about the dreaded possibility of others going too. Then I wonder if what I am doing is a waste of time. What will be my legacy. It’s hard not to be self-involved because necessarily involves thinking about oneself, yet it is a limiting belief. Rather than focus on what I have lost, I know I need to focus on what I have gained, to cherish the time spent, to love what I have now.

It means to give my mom, sisters and wife a tighter hug, to let my nephews, nieces how much they mean to me, to reach out to friends and let them know they matter. It sucks that a death can move me to so much action rather than life itself. I also hope the three best friends and now hanging out and having a blast reminiscing along with drinks and music. They taught me the value of life long friendship, of love not based on blood but loyalty, of living your best life with people who always have your back. To celebrate life no matter what.

It’s hard to imagine who else I will lose, and to be honest it scares me, but I also know that I can do better, to not make it about myself, and to truly enjoy the ones in my life now.

The breakdown came early last week when my wife questioned the wiseness of me always being tried and not be present at the end of the day. She wondered if I had to get everything done the way I wanted every single day, and then gave the brilliant suggestion to mix thing up, to not give up so much sleep so I am not constantly exhausted.

This week I am going to ease up on waking up early because while I have been able to get more done in the past few months than I thought possible, I do feel like I am always rushing against time, not really stopping to enjoy what I am doing and really just making it one more task to check off. It’s an old habit of mine. While I always start with the best of intentions, inevitably I slip into making a huge task list that I have to complete by the end of the day.

My need to fill up the day with so much not only makes it certain that I won’t be present, but makes it more about the task than the reasons for it. Which means that I find it hard to course correct or be open to skipping something when it would serve me better to dive deeper into something or perhaps just not doing it so I can be more rested.

So the first thing that gets to go is the waking up at 5am every weekday. While I love my morning time, it also has meant that by the 10 or 11 I can barely keep my eyes open which does not serve me in spending quality time with my wife or others. I also know that if I just even get one hour of extra time I am not only more present but also have more energy. This is where it makes sense to allow my body rest especially as I continue to push myself at crossfit. So the more I rest, the more I am able to get things done that matter.

And so I get to keep playing around with it because there are times its okay to get up early, but making it a daily ritual has had a bigger effect on me than I realized. For me to be at my best, it means I get to give myself the proper recovery anytime.

It’s not easy for me to let go of things, but I also know that I get to shift my language because really I am not letting go of anything, I am just prioritizing what’s more important. It can take time sometimes to figure out what that is which is why getting feedback from others can be so valuable.

What will you do different this week? Happy Monday!