Author: Sanjay Sabarwal

I dont think I could have ever imagined how fulfilling a day like this could be until I spent it with my son. It was a whirlwind weekend of library trips, the zoo, park, and spending time with loved ones, but best of all was getting extra kisses and hugs from Zyan. Waking up to see him as my first sight on Sunday morning made for a joy I didnt think possible. My wife ensuring the my day full of reminders of the love we have been blessed with while my heart still shakes in wonder as to our luck. There is so much more to say but the heart feels close to exploding and so I just wallow in the feeling of knowing that I love and am loved deeply.

Of course, there is that familiar pinch of Papa not seeing any of this, of me not calling him Padre, or him usually teasing me in some way, or hugging me way before I ever did, that stupid of regret that just doesnt go away like old gum stuck on a shoe. But also a new angst knowing he didnt mean Zyan, and the things he could have done with him. But that gray cloud now no longer covers my entire sky but it does blot out sun oh ever so often.

But then their faces come into my mind, and I know as unfair as life can seem, there is so much to be grateful for. And so on this day I counted my blessings, including that there is so much Papa taught me that I get to pass on to Zyan. And that alone makes the day a bit brighter!

I like the way it looks to write todays date. The synchronicity feels calming, and gives me hope that what happened this past weekend happens again. Taking Zyan as a family, then taking him to play with this cousins as well as his first Costco trip and Sushi and then hanging at home just the three of us felt complete, meant to be. Zyan seemed to sense that it was a unique day when instead of rushing around, we just stayed in and played with him.

This weekend I also got to do some planning, training as well as content creation. Overall, it felt good to take stock, to spend time working on my practice rather than just react, and while I am grateful for all the new clients and new work, I also know that I get to do the other stuff that got me the clients and the work in the first place. It was easy to forget as I kept reacting rather than standing back, assessing and then prioritizing what needed to be done when. When I just react, I do myself and others a disservice of some sorts because I am choosing the new over the old.

When I take it in like the calming number of today’s date, I can put the things in the order that serves all my clients, gives me space, and allows for me to enjoy the weekend like I did. And today I use the the date as my guiding post for a week that allows hits all the things to important to me from my wife, son, family, loved ones, work, friends and finally growth. And maybe just maybe I can squeeze in a workout or two 🙂

Happy Monday!

The 28th already, and the the fifth month of this year starts, and yet it still feels like the beginning of the year for me, and not in other ways. The work is piling on, but in a way that is both stressful and also eye opening. There are so many things to learn, and also re-educate myself on. Zyan gets bouncier and bouncier, and I am currently the week off due to overdoing it at Crossfit and so I feel my age, but also inexperienced, and its a surreal feeling. I also did my first South Asian mixer in decades, and it felt right as now was the time to talk to others like me who are people of color, but also from south asian.

It felt odd in a way because back in the day I was all about the indian scene, more like the music scene, up on the music, the goal to start my own record label, to not practice, to just start my little conglomerate. My over confidence and ignore shame me now, embarrass me in ways, yet it also gave me the very network that feeds my legal practice. All was not for naught.

And so another month comes to an end but I still feel at the beginning of the race, still tying my shoelaces, still learning, still looking, pondering and wondering if this dream of mine is just an illusion or the foundation of something much bigger. Only time will tell.

I have always loved libraries. Before Zyan, especially made it a point to check out books from the Artesia library just to have the time to go inside and inhale the fragrance of pages filled with thoughts, ideas, feelings all different from my own. But I never truly expected the library to give me a gift for my son. I began taking Zyan early on just because it felt right, first it was Artesia, then Cerritos, but the jackpot came when I stumbled onto story time at Yorba Linda on a Saturday around 10am where there were dozens of toddlers playing with toys and then rushing into a room when the librarian said it was time.

Of course, we jumped in and for the next 30 minutes, we were treated to songs, 2 books read out and then a puppet show. Say what [mind blown]?! But wait, there was more, since moving to Orange County, I wanted to visit other libraries, so my next stop ended up the Placentia Library, but this time there were even more kids, and they also had 4 play rooms like Pretend City that the kids would play in until story time. I felt lucky in a way that lit up my world but more so on Zyan’s face. It was in that moment that we decided to make the library a weekly affair. From my wife taking him on Fridays for giggles and wiggles and me taking him saturdays.

And yes, there were other libraries I tried but I have gotten spoiled with these two for now as they also offer activities and just different things, but trust me the adventure at the library will continue, and one day Zyan will take me to them!

Happy Monday!!

It doesnt happen often, but there are days that stretch way past their best by day, and for me, it was a tuesday where my 3rd motion for a client was denied, and I faced a sobbing client. Not my best moment in that I wish I had said more, done more, prepared more, but deep inside I knew it was a long shot to begin with. That’s the problem with hope and idealistic thinking, it can turn into magical thinking with no basis in reality which leads to a crushed feeling when things don’t turn out the way I’d imagined.

To top if off, that same, another person came and made comments to my sister, showing their disapproval at what they thought I should be as an attorney. Normally, I wouldnt have cared, but already wounded and wondering why I even practiced law, it was the exact type of hot spice that didnt need to be rubbed into my open wound. I texted my wife, stating I just wanted to crawl into bed, and sleep the day away, because nothing I did was right.

And then the self-pity passed as I began work on another matter, after getting reassurances from my wife, my best friend, my good friends and my mastermind, in short, my village. They held space me to vent, to let me feel my shit, and then slowly brought me back to reality. It was just two bad moments, but they too shall pass. There were lessons in them, and they happened for that reason. I also get to work on my setting my own expectations to be equal to the reality at hand rather than going into the best case scenario.

And so today starts another week, another chance to make mistakes, to learn, to grow, to do the right thing, to get wins. All of these things will come so better to be prepared than just assume all will be well. It’s a lesson I continue to learn.

Happy Monday!