Category: Brownness

Brownness

Joshua Tree

Sanjay Sabarwal

This last weekend, Zyan, myself and the wife made our first trip to Joshua Tree with a lot of our family members. The plan was to stargaze but while Zyan only lasted about 15 minutes for that event, but in return, we got a magical two days where he got to spend time not only with his grandmother, aunts, and uncles but also with his cousins, and for us that’s what truly mattered. While the family planned the trip a while ago, we jumped on last minute as a surprise, and that was the seasoning that made these past few days so delicious for us all.

Were there challenges? Of course, but in the end it was all worth it. To see the massive smiles when he walked in made the 3 hour drive feel like nothing. Credit has to go to my wife who convinced us to go last minute and to not tell anyone. While uncertain as to how Zyan would handle things, I am glad we threw everything together quickly and headed out. I know for sure that this will be a memory all of will cherish and talk about and remind Zyan when he is oder how fun and difficult he made things during that time.

But more than anything his peals of laughter, the full joy of being in a jacuzzi with us and his cousins, the constant playing games with my brother in law, the endless kisses he got from my sister, the smile on my moms face seared onto my heard a memory to replay in later days. I also now have the urge to take him back when he is older to behold the splendor that is our universe. I saw for the first time through a high powered telescope, the craters on the mood and the rings of Saturn, and the curiosity and excitement it elicited in me is one I wish to replicate in his mind and heart. I was 53 years old when I did this, and for him I hope it’s at 5.

For once, Monday felt like a coming home a very long but wonderous journey, one filled with so much activity and emotion, and I cannot wait for our next destination when we do this all over again.

Brownness

Discovery Cube

Sanjay Sabarwal

This weekend, my wife finally got to experience Discovery Cube the way Zyan and I have in the past. It was truly heartening to see her excitement to see why we got a membership and have already been there almost 10 times. Each time is a different thing for Zyan, and while the old me would have scoffed at going to a place so many times, I can now look forward to more family time with just the 3 of us going, although my wife is ready to bring the whole family.

The way Zyan held on to our hands while going through all the exhibits had it own special moment, but what made the trip better was the bright smile and happiness on my wife’s face. It finally hit her why Discovery Cube not a time pass place but one the serves curiosity, new ways to look at science, and how Zyan as he gets older will find other areas in Discovery more relevant to him. For now, he’s happy to bounce between the Recycling truck race area, the Zamboni, and then also playing in the mini playground around on the ground floor made just for toddlers.

The hours flew as we just got to see our son jump and whiz around in pure unadulterated joy while his mother beamed, and couldnt stop saying how cool it was. In my quest to find new things for Zyan, I am still quite grateful that Discovery Cube has become part of our weekend routine whenever we want Zyan to smile wide. Seeing him point towards it while on the freeway is just another huge plus.

To say we had a good weekend would be a massive understatement.

Happy Monday

Brownness

87

Sanjay Sabarwal

The numbers become more and more important. This past weekend, we lost the Patriarch of my moms family. My mother’s eldest brother went on to join the Great Divine after being here for a bit more than 87 years. What I do know is that he went without fear as his devotion to the One was great, and I hope one I too can emulate his strength, knowledge and love. He was the oldest of 11 siblings of which only 4 remain, one being my mother, and I would be lying if the question didn’t come to me for her: how long does she grace my life? Each of these siblings created a dynamic universe that we assumed was normal, but it wasn’t. They did well, had booms, busts, and then slowly each of them came to the One who allowed them peace.

My uncle was amazing in that he made anyone that came into contact with him feel special. He had a way of connecting of the past to the present which felt as if no time had passed when I was around him as a baby. He had a special name for everyone, and for me it Sanjay Shah, a title truly for which I am undeserving unless its ruling over doubt and unworthiness, but in his presence, it all felt doable like it fit

I am glad I got to see him a few months ago in New York, and for once, there is no regret because I experienced him in his calm element. His grace and joy at seeing all of us together, the ultimate gift. This is a man who gave so much of himself in service to others, but yet never asked for anything in return. This is the legacy we get to live, and I am truly grateful I got a chance to spend some time in his light. He will be missed, but I also know he will hanging out with his best friend as well, my father. Makes sense he left the same month as him.

Brownness

Beyond Comfort

Sanjay Sabarwal

Yesterday, i got my client peace of mind with a one year retraining order against the other side as well as attorneys fees. Seeing the wide grin on their face made it worth m not having my peace of mind over the weekend. You see, I have now realized that I like the challenge of litigation because it pushes me far beyond my comfort level. It forces me to sit down, get organized, to put words down on paper rather than keep convincing myself that I got this. It is hard work for me to simply sit down in the quiet, get all thoughts done, REALLY think about the issues at hand, and then come up wtih a chronology.

Now mind you, I saw some gaps, and I worried about the other side and what they would come up with. I blamed myself for not being as prepared when I called the other side the first time. So it made for a special day when I handed him the exhibit binder, and he reviewed it with his client, and then made an offer to settle rather than have an entire hearing in front of the judge. Thats when it hit me that when I am uncomfortable, but do the work, things work out in my favor.

This is a lesson that has been continually shoved in my face, and now I know that in order for me to get good at this, I have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Its the zone of action. Not just sitting there stressing or telling myself that I got this. But really getting down to connecting with my client needs, what happened, and what needs to happen. It made for an even better today to come home and then support my wife in potty training Zyan who managed to use the toilet 3 times.

When we do the difficult things, the rewards are infinitely better than when things are just handed to you. Its a lesson I now look foward to learning continuously. Live in discomfort, love the reward. Life is just beyond that comfort zone.

Happy Tuesday!

Brownness

Be Present

Sanjay Sabarwal

From an amazing MasterMind Zoom call, to having my son’s ignite with excitement as we experience Discovery Cube for the second time, and then just having intimate time with the just three of us being present to each other, I knew that there were things happen. My life manifests success when I am present in preparation for work, being wiht Zyan and my wife, to giving time to friends, loved ones, potential clients, clients as well as family.

It’s a lesson that I continue to learn. When I multitask, scroll social media, answer emails and texts while walking into home, I don’t do myself favors. Becoming more and more disconnected is not the answer so now my new mantra is Be Present. That means putting the phone away as soon as I walk in the door. Being there with Zyan as he shows me his new vocabulary and games that he’s invented, going over letters, and words. It means kissing the wife as soon as I walk in so Zyan sees that as the norm not be on a phone.

It means just being there when he looks up and smiles and shares whatever comes to his fancy. And it also means that its not a task, its a privilege to be there. See him, like REALLY see him. It also relates to all other aspects of my life. Being mindful is a huge undertaking for me sometimes when I get distracted by the latest shiny thing but I feel now a pleasure of just being. And so thats my intention beginning this month.

Brownness

14

Sanjay Sabarwal

In this morning quiet while my wife sleeps with our son, it feels the appropriate way to start our day for our 14th wedding anniversary. The cliche that it fees like yesterday still very much relevant, the sounds of our reception still echoing in my heart where our families ensured that we celebrated in the best way possible, honoring us with so much of their love and blessings. The walk around the Guru Granth Sahib in the Gurudwara where we accepted each other in front all of our family members and friends. Gratitude courses through me even though there are times the journey hasn’t been easy.

Between Cancer, Strokes, brain surgery, symptons and illnesses from Cancer treatment, loss of loved ones, moving multiple times, and growing a law practice, there are days it feels that getting through a day a major victory, and then there are nights out like last friday where we got our first night out in ages, and I got to relive being an event promoter and seeing one of my favorite artists Sukhbir perform. A heady weekend where we spend the day with family during the day, and in the evening just the three of us being.

Our little family made possible by the fierce determination from my wife to bring a little one into this world. Our lives now before and after Zyan. Having him during this event makes it all the more special because we both know what it took to create this relationship. So today I get not only say Thank You Preeti, but I also get say always and again and again I love you Babu.

Happy Anniversary